The lottery of relationships

 

So here it is, today’s $64M question. Are we inevitably doomed to be alone or is there hope for the individual?

Recent personal events have made me spend more than a few hours over coffee thinking about the above. Apart from the hopeless romantics, do sane, intelligent, well educated and logical people believe in the “one” for each of us? Statistically speaking anyway, the odds of this being true are hopeless. Of the ~6billion people on the planet, assuming an equal male-female ratio (which in practice I know its not true but for the sake of this discussion) that leaves ~3billion males and ~3billion females. Geographically speaking therefore, if you were to live in say China, your odds of meeting your “one” would have to be better than say someone else living on Xmas Island where the population is very small. So to have the best chance of meeting your “one” you would have to travel to each continent at least once, travel to all reasonably populated cities and then try and meet the maximum amount of the opposite sex (assuming heterosexual here) before moving on to the next city. Would there really be enough time in ones life-time to actually accomplish this feat? My “gut” instinct says “no” but perhaps it would be mathematically possible assuming you didn’t have to work for the most-part of your life. So does that mean those of us who are not movie stars, billion/millionaires or politicians are simply doomed to wander around aimlessly our “habitat” hoping that one day we might just “bump” into or be introduced to our
"one” and live happily ever after?? Sounds like bit of a fairy tale to me. Have we therefore been sold a “lemon” by our parents, religion and populist movies and drama?

Another option is that we are simply victims of random chance. If that is not the case then we must default to the religious belief of a “higher” power with a designed planned for us. If this is the case then how the hell can what we have ended up with be considered a “plan” even in the most loosest sense? This scenario would have to be one of the worst designs ever conceived. Or more likely the truth would be the absence of any plan which results in the random chaos that we are exposed to. Or maybe its more like a design flaw?

As human beings are we destined to forever be involved and then abandoned for the rest of our lives. With the accumulation of acquaintances' being the total worth of our existence?  Having experienced the rapture of the "first date” and then the subsequent abandonment of the break-up – is this the full circle of life's relationships? The merry-go-round of loves and losses? Is this all the substance there is to the human connection? Or is this really a human condition?

Personally, when it comes to god and religion, I subscribe to the ant-farm concept. That is “god” is more like a little kid with a magnifying glass in the sunshine focusing the beam on the worker ants (us) as they go about their business. Watching them as they burn-up in the heat. Then getting much joy from this infliction of pain on the helpless and hopelessly under-powered ants. For those that wonder where this concept could possibly come from read the Book of Job in the old-testament of the bible and you will understand.

Assuming there is no plan (as the evidence doesn’t support this idea) and we simply randomly meet people in life as experiences intersect then we are left with “natural selection”. Now this plays apart in what happens even if you subscribe to the “plan” concept. Since no matter how hard we try we are all slaves to our inbuilt nature to procreate. For this procreation to be successful we individually need to choose the strongest and most able to provide partner that comes our way. This is why us girls always go for the “bad” boys – especially when we are younger – as they not only satisfy our desire for excitement and thrills but they are also daring and assertive which gives the impression of “strength” and therefore a good mate. This assertiveness often back-fires and we can end up on the receiving end of this “strength” in violent episodes' leaving us bruised and beaten. Along with these physical assaults is also  psychological control that makes it near impossible to exit the relationship without great fear and uncertainty.  Those strong enough to overcome these fears are able to eventually, with help, move on and live good lives. My congratulations go out to any women who has accomplished such a feat. If any reading this are still stuck in the toxic relationship all I can say with my whole heart is get help and get out. It is your only option for survival.

The other influences on our procreation natural selection is what I like to call the “3 most powerful aphrodisiacs” . Now us girls can argue ‘till we are blue in the face against this concept. However we each do it at least a few times in our lives. Some, of course, a lot more.

These three aphrodisiacs are the most powerful attractants women can experience. Now, in no particular order, the first I will mention is “money”. Its quite simply amazing how many women will simply follow the money to where-ever it may lead them. It offers women security and comfort. Two very important requirements for procreation. So any man with a substantial amount can seem strangely appealing even if he initially is not our “type”. The next is “power”. Politicians mostly fall into this category. How I would love to have just $1 for every politician throughout history that has circum to a beautiful women’s wiles in order for her to gain some form of power-sharing or financial benefit or security. I doubt I would need any actual references here to convince anyone. But the most recent would be a British politician. But he will definitely not be the last. Then finally there is “fame”. Many people who actually achieve fame are more interested in getting rid of it than anything else. Mainly due to the lack of privacy and loss of personal space and freedom. They tend to envy the average “Joe” who can come and go at their local deli anytime of the week they like. However to many women “fame” is a very powerful attractant. It can, by those smart enough, be turned into either or both of the other two. Used well fame can bring the recipient money or power or both. Perhaps this explains why famous people seem to have the greatest problem with infidelity compared to simply the rich or powerful?

Blog on folks!!